Pacing mentally

Hello loyal and new readers alike. I am now finished with my Senior 1 term of school and let me tell you, it could not have come sooner. It was a time of growing but by the end I was ready to have a change of pace. Grades are unknown at this time but I am anticipating two A's and two B's or possible even another A or two and a D or fail (five classes total fyi). Yeah, I may fail my first class. It went so fast and I probably did not devote as much time to it as I needed to. Needless to say, if I take it again, I expect to do quite well in it. I also spoke for the first time at Cru (which I just realized I never posted details about it here, future post I think).

With the school update comes the spiritual journey update. If you want to figure out exactly where I'm coming from, listen to this sermon series

While I never planned on living to super high standards of living, never have I now had such a conflict in interests and ideas.

I am a car guy, and would love to have a project car. I had even decided that it would be a cheap project car. As cool as a Hemi Cuda would be, it would be excessively expensive. Now though I am being forced to ask myself whether having any type of fun project car is worth it. Does it fit into God's plan for my life?

I have been an avid arm chair model railroader for years and I am finally starting to build a toy train layout in my grandpa's basement. I haven't felt much conviction with this one since I have spent extremely little on it. Over the winter though I bought a few narrow gauge trains thinking it would be fun to build a small railroad outdoors (typically On30 outside is done in Europe and is considered somewhat challenging, something that attracted me) but after hearing this, I ask myself, is it worth it? Could I not be simply content with what I have?

Last summer and winter I experienced the joy of directing a couple short movies with my cousins and siblings and really enjoyed making my imagination become reality. How does God want me to use this seemingly found too late joy for His glory? Does it fit into His plan? It would be a more expensive hobby for sure (a semi professional camera starts at just over a grand) but could also be used to tell stories that bring glory to Him but is it His will for my life?

I enjoy many other hobbies (reading, writing, guitar, pencil drawing and cartooning, air soft, researching, tinkering etc). Most are rather cheap but can be time consuming. I had mulled over the question of how hobbies fit into a radically abandoned Christian life before but never have I been so squarely confronted like now. If I recall correctly (I am planning on listening to the series a second time soon), David Platt reminds us that hobbies are not considered evil in anyway but many good things can become excessive and get in the way of what God is calling us to in this life. I have spend countless hours researching to death an interest. Many times I have asked myself why I don't spend this time with God, in prayer and reading His word. Basically I am mulling over the question of what hobbies God may want me to let go of or spend less time with. God seems to be answering my initial questioning of hobbies by forcing me to dig deeper.


Another recent challenge these days has been the art of being a content single. For a while I thought I had my gig more or less all together. I was going to be friends with girls and that was that and would let God show me the right one. Till then I was going to let God use me anyway He saw fit. I, being human, did fight some interests here and there but always survived. Recently though, things have started getting tougher. Maybe the combination of friends my age getting engaged, married, or getting a girl friend for the first time ever has had an affect on it. Maybe it is the teasing from those around me about various girls I am friends with who I must be attracted too. Maybe it is the fact that I have recently met some wonderful Christian girls and will continue to be meeting more and the fact that I have continued to get to know the ones I already do know but wonder whether any are the one.

Maybe it is the fact that I have simply lost faith in my God to write my love story. Everyone else seems to have it all figured out on their own (how quickly some painful breakups amongst my friends get lost in memory). Maybe it is the fact that I have started focusing too much on finding the one God has for me instead of focusing on finding HIM.

Maybe I just need some serious prayer. Maybe I am feeling discouraged. Maybe I am crying out to God but don't feel like He is answering. He may want to see just how desperate I am to have my questions answered, my thought patterns revised, and my life goals changed.

I know this blog entry may be rather depressing or not of much benefit to you but I needed to type this out and share it with someone. The good thing is, God has proven faithful (see previous posts) and will continue to prove faithful and when He does I will be sure to proclaim His marvelous deeds here. Till then, I encourage you to listen to that series and possibly enter the same time of questioning and mulling (would love to chop it up (slang for talk, chat, deep conversation) with you sometime on the series). In a way, I am glad for this. I know that deep inside there is change going on, a battle being won, even if it hurts I will press on to the goal.

A runner can not go run a marathon over night but must train diligently and give up some things they love to get their body into shape. It will hurt, but the end goal is worth it. Just as we beat our bodies into submission for earthly goals, so we should beat into submission anything that does not have Gods glory and kingdom in mind. So we don't get to enjoy some worldly pleasures here. So what? Life is short so start living it all out for God now and store up treasure in heaven (this doesn't mean that you are going to enjoy the pleasures you missed out on here on earth in heaven. I used to think that in the back of my mind for some reason but it doesn't fit.). We have a race set before us. If you can't figure out where the path leads, we have the track designer on call 24/7, 365 (366 on leap years) to guide us the way He wants us to follow. So take a moment to access what extra baggage you might be carrying. You'll be happy you did later down the road.

Grace and peace as you take the straight and narrow!
Corey <><

^"24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. ²⁵Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. ²⁶So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. ²⁷But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." 1 Chorinthians 9:24-27

"¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, ²looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted." Hebrews 12:1-3