Am I Where I Should be?

I hear about people's missions trips, read updates from missionaries, see the hurt, the pain, and I ask myself, "What am I doing here God?  Am I missing something that I'm supposed to be doing?  I mean isn't there something more meaningful for the kingdom I'm supposed to be doing?" 

The thought has been long coming.  The verses about being the alert servant when the master returns at the unanticipated hour and the verses on seeking His kingdom first echo in my mind.  A number of friends went on missions trips during their spring breaks while I, being a full timer, have no such thing. 

Ever since my first missions trip I have personally felt that short trips like that just don't cut it.  I mean they are helpful and many times quite needed but I get the inkling as I leave "If only I had another week, another month, a year, the relationships I could build, the things that could be accomplished..."  I don't want to just do my good deed and go back to my comfy sanitized life, I want to invest, get dirty, and quite possibly hurt.  At the same time is scares the begeebies out of me to think about it.

As I continued to contemplate this new restlessness this thought occurred to me, "You don't have to leave America to further God's kingdom." 

The realization hits me. There is plenty of hurt here too. We just hide it much better behind big houses and TV's, nice cars, and boats. Things, hobbies, trends and idolizing others is what we do to distract from that thing that is knawing us from the inside out. Trust me, those in Africa or Asia are much easier to win for the gospel then Americans. We hate pain and discomfort. After all, we'd prefer to take a pill and keep eating our greasy cheese burgers then actually address the real issues.

So sadly there is no shortage of kids living in broken homes and no shortage of adults hurting deep down from things they've tried to forget.

So I guess my recent realization that I have too much "me time" in my life is maturing.

So God, I'm looking to you for guidance in this area of my life. Do you want me to live in America and love on those who tend to be the most difficult to love?  Do you want me to do something crazy and leave my engineering job and disappear into the jungles somewhere? I need a battle to fight and a lot less time to think about me. I'm scared to step out of my comfort zone but this life is meaningless if lived for anything except you alone.

Here am I Lord, send me.

Corey